What's in a Birthday?

I held my three year old daughter in my arms ten years ago and as she looked at me with those eyes of adoration, she said " Mommy I choosed you!" A little baffled I looked at her and asked what do you mean that you chose me? " Yes I choosed you mommy. When we are in heaven, we choose our mommy's and I wanted you!"

I grew up in a religious family and we never spoke about the wonders of the world although I was often a thought drifter wanting to know how, why, when. I know that my siblings were just as curious but my parents told us a story that had done its rounds in our family lineage. 

Once there was a girl who questioned too much, especially the creation story and a white dove came to sit on her shoulder. Then the girl suddenly disappeared and was never seen again. We wondered whether the girl died, went mad or simply vanished but that is how the story ended and that's what we are supposed to tell our children. 

Well my daughter was just three years old and she told me a very different story of creation. One I had never told her, but she broke a cycle within our family. I could never continue with that folktale because she somewhat recalls that we are born with seeds of love, each one carrying a seed of potential and we are sent into this world to rediscover the essence of who we are and help those around us. She entered a family to bring healing, restore hope and play her role and outside the family she will play her role in society. Yet so often we forget. We forget the reason that we came and we are in constant battle with fear, that it consumes us and we drift from the core of our being.

A few years ago I woke up on my birthday to extreme discomfort. I could not understand why I felt extremely uncomfortable and I recall my writings on that day " The stone curlew's wail long believed to be associated with sorrow was the reminder of madness, forgotten purpose and the dark subconscious. Being born on the day of love, creates certain expectations but I feel so vulnerable. I am standing on the brink of an exciting period of life yet I feel absolute sadness. 

The harsh African Sun rises above the distant hill and leaves fall to the ground. I make an agreement with the Universe that I will observe the spiritual significance of events, places  and people that cross my path this day. So I stepped into the streets of the suburban block for my morning walking routine and there it is the stone curlew once again. It's piercing yellow eyes strike me and once again I feel deep grief. The air suddenly feels so heavy and for some reason I no longer want to walk, I want to run. So I start to run, but could I be running away from something or running towards my truth. Almost out of breath, I arrive back home and turn on the television news. A woman is fatally wounded in what seems to be a domestic violence case. I feel sick to my stomach because there is that sinking realisation that it too could happen to me.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I cannot pretend to be detached from the world. Nothing just happens. We all contribute group consciousness and if we keep turning away from who we are, what we are born to do, more men and women will be lying in pools of blood on this day and other days when we should be celebrating love. I reached for my CD, playing return to innocence and in a couple of minutes everything around me seems to return to its original state and so for that moment I am in my original state, a spiritual being carrying a seed of love, accepting that I will embark on this journey to discover why this precious soul, my beautiful Teegan chose me to be her mother, her guide and the conduit for her life".